Thursday, October 28, 2010

Is that number for real?

Scale said 349 this morning. I didn't even believe it. I thought it might have been because I set it a few inches away from where I normally put it down. So I moved it. Still said the same thing. So I stepped off it and waited for it to reset itself (it's digital). Still said the same thing. And this was before I even did my business this morning which sometimes I wait to do that because I figure the more I can get out of my body before I weigh, right?
And so I reached my goal. Two days before the end date. But, somehow it doesn't really feel like I'm under 350. That means I'm only 6 pounds away from my lowest weight since I started this thing. But I felt different then. Back then I was feeling skinny and healthy and the whole thing felt positive. Now? Well, now I just feel fat and clunky. I feel like my eating hasn't been so hot and I just kinda feel gross. Like when I weighed 378. Except I don't anymore. Ridiculous. I've lost 29 pounds and I don't feel different.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Quite possibly the best invention ever.

Ok, now I know this looks like some weird torture device. Probably even could be if I put my mind to it. :) But I swear it's not. It's actually......dun dun apple peeler corer slicer. Seriously. The box even says that. Which I found amusing because whatever genius came up with this thing couldn't come up with a better name for it other that just describing all the awesomeness it does.
But none of that matters because I woke up this morning and decided to try it out. Having bought it a couple days ago on a whim, not knowing the potential childlike joy I would derive from using it.

First, you got to crank back the handle.

Now, impale your apple upon the fork. (Yes, you can pretend it's someone you don't like, nobody's judging)

Now start cranking that thing back the other way. It helps to have ominous music playing. Feel free to make some with your mouth. I do.

Ahhh, it's starting!! I can hear faint pleas for help from my slowly skinned alive apple.

Keep cranking......

And it's done!

I immediately took a step back this morning when I first did this and said that's awesome. Then picked up the phone and called my mother at 10:30 in the morning to rave about it. The only question she had for me was how much I had had to drink the night before and whether I was still, in fact, drinking. :)

I just can't believe how I ever lived without this thing. I see a lot of apple dishes in my future.

The only question I have is.......

What the hell do I do with all this leftover apple hair?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

I heard you were lazy and out of shape

Just checking in for now. I weighed in at 354 this morning. I had a bit of a setback the beginning of the week. I got high and ate a lot of food I shouldn't have. That is such a huge weakness for me and I've been trying to cut back on it. Work was also hectic this week and will be tomorrow as well. My apartment is a mess and I have tons of laundry to do, nevermind the numerous boxes still needing to be gone thru and unpacked. Still.
I keep telling myself that today will be the day I go for a walk or pick up the weights in the basement. But something always comes up, or I'm tired, or I have to work. Excuses, I know, and not very good ones. But I will give myself credit for sticking with writing my food journal. I feel more accountable when I log everything and it shows because I'm still losing weight, however slow that may be.
I bought 2 new sweaters tonight. They are a size 4x and I hate buying new clothes in such a big size but it's unavoidable. I don't have many clothes that fit me right, right now. I would say about 75% of my wardrobe right now hangs in the closet or in my dresser untouched because it either flat out doesn't fit me or looks absolutely horrible on me. So I have to go clothes shopping for winter outfits and that means buying in size 26/28 and 3x/4x. Which I hate because I am trying to lose this weight and spending good money on clothes that (hopefully) won't fit in a few months is frustrating.
It doesn't help that there is basically a complete lack of support from my boyfriend either. He made some hurtful comments recently and I tried explaining how I felt about everything to him. For the most part he will be quiet when I have rough times with food but on the flip side he is also quiet when I have successes. I don't think he really understands what a struggle for me it is. He's never been fat in his life. Which is good for him but doesn't exactly lend me a sympathetic ear.

Ahhh, ok, I'm done whining. I'm going to make a goal. I want to be under 350 by the end of next week. So by October 30th. That's 5 pounds. I can do it. Just no bud. :) Seriously though, I've been dicking around in the 350's long enough. Well, ok it hasn't been that long. I just got into the 350's 11 days ago. But still.
Wish me luck.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

So damn hungry

I got a few things bouncing around in my head I thought about writing about, but the one thing that keeps putting me off is how friggin hungry I am. Now I ate reasonably for the day. I even splurged and ate a footlong from subway for dinner because I finally got paid and I wanted a treat. And you would figure I'd be content and full. But I'm not. I've got this raging hungry monster inside me right now and all it wants is to go eat everything in the kitchen. And all I want to do is just punch this hungry monster in the face. When I think about it, I sort of imagine that little orange creepy mouthless thing on those weight watchers commercials. Seriously, after watching one of those commercials, doesn't anyone get this weird thought that if that thing was really following you around in real life trying to get you to eat cakes and hamburgers, that you wouldn't just turn around and boot the thing across the room? I don't know, maybe it's just me. Hunger makes you think some weird thoughts sometimes. :)
But whatever, because I am down 5 more pounds. Weighed in at 354 this morning. But you know what is seriously more frustrating than anything I can imagine? I have new stretch marks on the sides of my belly. WTF
How can I lose weight and gain stretch marks? It's not fair. Ugly purple stretch marks that will take months and months to fade. That will never be completely gone, just faded silvery marks all over my torso.
It's not fair.
So I'm gonna whine and feel sorry for myself but what I'm not gonna do is eat to make myself feel better. Because I lost 5 pounds since sunday and no stupid stretch mark is going to make that less of an accomplishment than it is. I earned those 5 pounds. I worked for them and now I'm happy to think that I'm only 10 pounds away from my lowest weight back in July.
So I think I'll go make a light snack of cottage cheese and pineapple and effectively kick my hungry monster in the face. :)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

359 and counting....

I woke up this morning at 359. Yay me! Creeping back up to the 360's scared me and I'm glad I'm back out of them. I took a little time reading thru my food journal and it's amazing how just looking at a day's entry of food can remind me of what happened that day. Am I that obsessed with food?
It's pretty cold out today, we're finally going to take out the ac's and have to get the heat turned on this week. This summer didn't turn out as great as I was hoping. We didn't do half as much stuff as I wanted to and it felt like it flew by. Here's hoping next summer is better and I'm a slimmer more active person because I would LOVE to do more hiking and swimming and biking and anything else you can imagine. There's a place up here called monkey trunks and my boyfriend wanted to go there. It's a ropes obstacle course, something I would love to do, but I have this fear they'll tell me no because of my weight. So put that on the list of stuff I can do when I'm smaller. I got probably the next 9 months to work on that.
Well, I'm off to do some serious housecleaning and get some grocery shopping done for the next week of healthy eating. :) Hope everyone has a great day.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The hardest part is starting

 I started again yesterday. I steamed my veggies, cooked my chicken, and packed my cooler for the day. Was not especially difficult but it's hard getting the motivation to start. I found my food journal I was keeping this summer when I cleaned out my truck. The last entry I had in it was for July 23 and I weighed exactly 350.
Fast foward over 2 months and I weighed 362 today. Not going to let it get me down though.
I also haven't gotten high in maybe a week and a half. That's a tough one. I like smoking weed, it helps me to relax and I feel happier after I've come off my high. But it's extremely difficult not to want to eat lots of munchies and I can never really control how much or even remember exactly what I eat when I do. So that's a bad trigger for me I suppose, I just can't help it. Am I the only one with this problem?
In any case I haven't lately, and these past 2 days I've been focusing on what I eat again. I'm going to be psyched when I see 344 again. And I'm going to pay more attention to my little blog. I'd like make a goal of posting on here at least twice a week. Yup, sounds good to me.