Monday, June 7, 2010

First Harvest!

Well, technically not the first, I ate a strawberry yesterday that had ripened. But still cool. Everything in the garden is coming along nicely and I'm happy. We are trying for a completely organic garden this year. Last year was mostly organic, I used miracle gro, which I'm not completely sure is organic. Anyway, it's doing well.

I've kept on track with eating well. I'm down to 362 today, which means I've lost 15 pounds since May 25th. I feel a bit better, not so bloated, so I think a good chunk of that was water weight, if not all of it.

This is previously said picture of me with my grandmother. I was happy in the picture and I love that dress, but seeing it after the fact just makes me ashamed. It was a surprise party for her and I know she was in shock from seeing so many people she hadn't seen in a long time. I don't think she truly recognized me for a good 10 minutes. I can even remember thinking that it must be because of how fat I've become.

I will lose this weight, it's hard and I don't have much support. But I do a lot of things on my own without help and I know I can do this. Hopefully down the road I will find some support and I'm sure that will help me. I think it's really hard to face what you've become when you become this overweight. Obese really. I've become morbidly obese, which I think I think is just an ugly term. I hate thinking that that is what I am, I've told myself for years that I was never THAT fat. There are always other people bigger than me. And it's no longer true. I think just because I'm mobile and have a life and don't let the weight keep me from doing things that I want, I ignored it. I ignored it for a long time. But the pictures tell a different story. I AM that fat person and it's heartbreaking. It's also starting to cause me some health problems which I also try to ignore. A few days ago I had chest pains for a good hour. I was by myself at home and contemplated going to the hospital. I ultimately decided not to and instead took a bunch of aspirin. Eventually the pains went away but it scares me to think what those pains might be. I've had them in the past and since I don't have insurance have never checked them out. Instead, I take aspirin and try not to think about it. I know, not the best solution. And that's just another part of why I need to get rid of this excess weight.

In the meantime, I'm doing my best to change my diet. I eat so much vegetables it get tiring. I try to eat only lean meats, dairy and whole grains. It's hard sometimes being in the house and around my boyfriend because there is so much junk food lying around. He does not watch what he eats and he doesn't really need to because he is of a normal weight. Lucky.
Anyway today is beautiful, and I should really go enjoy it and get out from behind this computer. :)

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