Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I do what I need to do to get stuff done

Still plugging along over here. I weighed myself this morning and am actually semi pleased even though I gained. Because I didn't gain as much as I thought. I would say my eating has been so way off since my birthday it's not even cool and I figured I gained much more than I did. But the scale read 356 this morning. Not bad. Not awesome but not bad enough to make me depressed. I feel like I have been depressed for some months now. I've been taking st. john's wort since at least the beginning of the year. I don't know if it's helping or if I'm willing myself to be happier and not take such a negative approach to life. Could be both, could be neither. Some days I feel so bad it hurts and then so much negativity creeps into my mind about my life and how I'm not who I pictured myself to be. Sometimes I get so depressed and angry it makes me want to lose this weight even more. I resolve to work harder so I can stop being the fat girl with no ambition. I can't say that's necessarily the best way get motivation but that's how it turns out sometimes.
I just want to get back on track with this thing. I feel like this is the right time to do it but I just keep getting sidetracked. And yet I know that is just because I am not trying as hard as I should be. So I guess this is me saying, I need to do what I need to do to get stuff done. And that's what I'm gonna do. :) I'm going to take control of my life.

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