2012 is going to be so way better than 2011!

Starting all over again. Everybody should get second chances. And third.....and fourth. Lol. I actually jumped the gun on this one and started my journey again two days after Christmas. I want this to work so bad. I feel like I've found my motivation, my drive, or at least enough of it to keep me going. I toyed with the idea of waiting until Jan. 1st to begin and scrapped it because waiting just makes no sense when it comes to your health. I have been treating my body horribly and it's about time that stopped. I have also missed blogging and believe me, I have thought about it almost every day since my last post in November.
When I started again I was back up to 357. A gain of 12 pounds. So that's that. Luckily I write my weight down every day in my food journal. So I can see when I started going off track. I actually continued being 345 until 11-23. After that I stopped writing consistently in my journal and there are only 4 entries between 11-23 and 12-27. Which showed me hovering around 351-353. Ok, so lots of numbers, I know. My current weight as of 12-31 is 350.  I have no doubt it will be less tomorrow morning as I stayed on track very well eating wise.
So what's my plan this time? Or do I even have one? Well, no, I have nothing written in stone. Basically I am following what worked for me before. Tracking my eating via food journal, measuring everything I eat, eating more veggies and fruits, very little junk food, and being consistent. I try not to allow myself in situations where I do not have control over food choices, but if that is inevitable, then I make good choices before and after so as not to slip up so much. It's hard, I won't deny that, but I need to do it for myself.
I feel like my state of mind is in a better place now. I am taking a multivitamin, fish oil, and st. john's wort every night before bed. The st john's wort is helping me with my depression, at least I'm hoping it is. A positive state of mind can't hurt right? I'm also on birth control pills now. That's something I recently started, on Nov 28th. I actually started them, not because I don't want a child, but because I was having major issues with my period. I know this isn't something everyone likes to talk about, or hear about, but I'm writing this now in case there's other women out there like me. When I started taking the pills I was already going on 2 and 1/2 weeks of having a period. This wasn't the first time I've had abnormally long periods. I've had irregular periods since I was 18 but it's only been in the past 2 years that I've started having abnormally heavy and long ones. Followed by months where I wouldn't get one. When I started eating healthier and losing weight last year, I got my first normal period in a long time. I actually started to even out and become regular. This issue of mine has been a huge stress for me for years. And of course, since I have no medical insurance, I have no way of knowing what's wrong. However, when I stopped eating healthy and started gaining the weight back, they have gotten out of control again. I believe that my weight plays a large part in this issue. Anyways, I started taking the pill at the end of Nov. and my period didn't stop until last week. I am hoping taking the pill and losing weight/eating healthier will help me become normal. Having PCOS has crossed my mind a lot among several other things. Which of course weight plays into hugely. But again, no insurance equals not knowing what's wrong. I am lucky to have found a family planning clinic that bases it's fees on a sliding scale so that I can get the pills and finally have someone to talk about my fears with. Because I do have fears, especially about not being able to have kids. If it was the sex, I should've had 4 or 5 kids by now, but I don't. I hope and hope it is just my weight holding me back from that. So there's that. It's terrifying to put that out there but it feels good to get that off my chest. Another reason to stick with weight loss.
So besides the eating, of which I've been doing well, there's exercise. I'm excited about the new weight machine I got for Christmas. it's got cables and pulleys and everything. :) I started doing some workout tapes a few days ago, but I had to take the past 2 days off because I overdid it. Back to it tomorrow. Or I might take a walk outside.
So I'm feeling a lot better about things and this is definitely going to be the better year for me. I can feel it. I think tomorrow I'll write some more about my goals for myself this years. They're not necessarily resolutions or related to weight loss. Just things I want to do to better my life as a whole.